Young Men's Initiation

The Journey to Manhood

For countless centuries, it was the task of the older men in a community to 'take' the boys out of the arms of their mothers and teach them how to be a man.

Somewhere along the way, older men in our world lost touch with their calling to steward the young men in their communities. As a result, the youth of today have developed their own forms of initiation. These initiations run the gamut, from something as simple as a skateboarding competition to things as serious as teen violence, drug abuse, and gang activity.

The young men in our communities are crying out for adult role models: mature, well-developed men who will make time for these boys as they walk their personal journey into manhood. This period of a young man's life is filled with uncertainty and fear. With the help of adult men who see him for who he is, a young man can become more conscious of his world...and of the tremendous potential that is awakening inside his being.

Recognizing Degrees of Progress

Besides the Inner Mentor Training (for mentors), Boys to Men Northwest produces three kinds of weekend events for boys and young men. They may sometimes be combined into the same weekend. For those boys who choose to stay with our program, these three weekend events as a series (perhaps combined with a number of staffings) constitute a complete initiatory experience in the traditional sense, although adapted to meet the needs of our modern society.

Younger Boys Weekend (for ages 10 to 13)
Older Boys Weekend (for ages 14 to 17)
A Vision Quest or similar event (for Journeymen who have been with us for some time and are ready to declare themselves as men)

The earlier events initiate boys and young men into community. As the community sees them growing and developing qualities of the mature masculine, they are gradually gifted with tokens recognizing their mastery of those qualities; one token for each of twelve qualities.

When it is no longer fitting to call them "boys", our young men are called "Journeymen" in recognition that they have begun their journey to manhood. They may achieve the status of "Journeyman" after completing our Older Boys Weekend or perhaps after having collected all twelve tokens.

Once the twelve tokens are accumulated and a Journeyman feels ready to declare himself as a man, the final event initiates him into adulthood, at which time the community accepts him as a man, in the sense of being a peer, a full member of the community, shoulder to shoulder with mentors. At this time, it is expected that the new man begins a life of mission or service to the community, as the mentors have.

What Are Our Weekend Events Like?

Background: Rites of passage have played an important role in many cultures for thousands of years. We believe that rites of passage must be relevant and appropriate for each culture, and therefore each culture’s practices will be different. However, there are some universal threads that weave their way through the rites of passage of many cultures. We discuss some of these commonalities here....

Purpose: A primary function of any rite of passage is to allow children to choose a new adult identity in their community. Adults help to facilitate this process, and help them gain the skills and understandings that they will need to fulfill their potential as members of the community. Rites of passage mark an important transition and community members emphasize the importance of the event for both the individual and the community.

Confidentiality: The specific processes used at a rite of passage are kept confidential. That is so younger members of the community do not receive the adult information before they are ready, because a rite of passage is considered sacred and personal and should not be treated casually, and because it relies on a degree of theater, surprise, and spontaneous response that would be lost if participants knew in advance what was going to happen.

Wilderness Environment: The isolation of a primitive setting removes participants from the routines and patterns of their lives so that they can “re-create” themselves. They have the opportunity to let go of old patterns that might no longer serve them. They start fresh, discover new, more mature qualities, and learn and adopt new responsibilities and roles.

Time of Change: The participant has an opportunity to reflect on their new status and to adjust to the enormous changes, which can be exciting, scary, challenging, and confusing all at once. The participant’s time away gives the community time to adjust to the changes as well. When the participant returns as an adult, the community is also ready to accept him or her as changed, as a new member of society. (Although primitive societies may have marked this change all at once, our community marks it gradually. See "Degrees of Progress" above.)

Tests of Endurance, Courage, or Competence: Primarily with young men, initiations incorporate physical or emotional tests. This helps the boy discover inner resources that they often don’t know exist and gain new self-respect and confidence. It also helps ensure that the initiate is ready for the challenges and responsibilities of adulthood. In our weekend events, the tests are very individual. They are challenging, but do not involve winning and losing, which can create shame. Each boy has the opportunity to test himself in ways that build self-esteem and facilitate growth.

Teaching and learning: In most rites of passage, elders, leaders, teachers, parents, or others teach initiates about important aspects of adulthood. Boys to Men “teaches” by helping boys learn their own lessons. Participants learn about accountability, integrity, personal responsibility, honest communication, connection to feeling, and about the importance of discovering a sense of mission in the world.

Physical Token of Change: After the boys have faced their challenges they are honored for having begun their “hero’s journey” into manhood. There is a celebration at which they are presented with a hero’s talisman. In addition, the young men are honored with a new status within the Boys to Men community; they are now called “Journeymen,” meaning that they are now on the journey to manhood. Journeymen are offered leadership opportunities and are eligible to staff other weekend events.

Community and Sharing of Food: In a traditional rite of passage, a young man’s family and community “witness” his passage into manhood through a ceremony or celebration that follows his rite of passage. One common form of community participation is eating together. At our weekend events, boys and young men who participate are honored for their accomplishments with a feast.

Experiences & Lessons Received from Our Weekend Events

Respect for the feminine: mother, women, and the feminine community.
Respect for the masculine: constructive and supportive ways of being with a community of men.
Self-respect: understanding of their own unique gifts and of their inherent worth.
How to connect with and express feelings in healthy and appropriate ways, including anger.
Encouragement to honor their own spiritual connection through their own personal and family traditions.
Respect for one’s own flaws and limitations.
An understanding of their “shadow” side.
Improved communication skills.

Visual design by Galen. Technical support by Terence. Maintenance & updates by Charlie.